will not really go down in history because it’s not even an age or an era. But it’s an individual one, something bound to be repeated throughout the year. It could be— any day really. 

When all efforts of third-world resilience are overwhelmed by a sense of our own— self-preservation, it’s a feeling that any abled body in the country might vanish and dissolve into just a number on the news.

It’s a gut-instinct that only Filipinos can understand. What might suddenly motivate a simple mind hoping for some— divine savior, will detach itself from any rational thought, but idolatry.

In between our dire straits and empty stomachs, we cling to anything that resembles— salvation. We like to think we’re way past it now, at this point, at this time. Reality resumes like a slow tune that explains itself to everyone, yet no one in particular.

We like to think that “grief will fade in time,” with an understanding that there is an end to this— madness. Like a premonition of a better time, a better age that defies our limited existence. A period written to symbolize the end of pain. Like a song that everybody sings at end of a curtain call. 

For all the wasted months it has been— a condescending and calculated speech called it: an “extended vacation.” Suddenly it turned into: an extended lockdown. Fretful and dispirited, because we know from experience that it’s also an extension of: loss, sorrow, agony. 

We still pick ourselves up, all on our own. Weary yet still alive. Exhausted but still hanging on. Because we have to and because we need to. Now and again, we must hold onto something and fight to still be here. 

How odd that we keep living, in such precise indifference, with all the minutes of grief.

Neen Ramos is a Pinay (Filipina) who loves to devour pop culture and random stuff on the Internet. A lover of good books and a cup of coffee, her Spotify playlist keeps her sane as she juggles her remote work and TV show marathons. She’s a self-proclaimed foodie and a habitual bargain addict. You can find her aspirational Insta-poet alter ego (@whatneenwrites) on Twitter and Instagram.

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